Mercy For My Mess

Mercy For My Mess
Yesterday was one of those days that left me hoarse and drained. It was busy
and stressful all day. By the time the boys got home from school all I
wanted to do was find a quiet moment to process my day, but instead I now
had to deal with their issues too.

I needed to address each of their teachers in a note. One letter was in
response to my son’s emotional breakdown about the bad day he had at school.
The other letter was in response to the zero my son was getting on a reading
project because I neglected to follow through with it. This only added to my
stress. I felt embarrassed, and ashamed. I felt sad that my boys had to go through these things and I was trying to fix it, all the while the little
darlings were stirring up chaos around me.

In my frustration I resorted not to yelling, but to screaming. I had not
been pushed to this level of anxiety in awhile, not since our days of home
schooling anyway. The baby was whining, the boys were fighting about silly
things that seemed important enough to them. The house was practically being
destroyed as I tried desperately to fix all of their school issues.

Relief finally came home from work. I took my dinner into the bedroom where
I sought shelter for the rest of the night. When morning came I wanted to
forget all of my frustrations from the day before, but the mess was waiting
for me to clean up all through the house. There were lunches that still needed to be made, breakfast to prepare, and children who needed to be dressed and ready to begin a new day.

I could feel the pressure building. It’s not like they were totally
misbehaving, but in my emotions, we were beginning where we had left off the day before.
Then came more screaming. By the time I got them dropped off at school I
felt completely defeated. Why couldn’t I have just let go and started fresh and new?

As I listened to the song, Mercies New by Nicole Nordeman God’s Spirit spoke to me heart. It says, “Fairer still my own free will
Is the better one to blame for this familiar mess I’ve made again

So I would understand, if You were out of patience
And I would understand, if I was out of chances

Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Everyday it’s true, You make all Your mercies new”.

I realized that my kids needed this mercy as much as I did this morning. I wondered how my kids would be able to know of God’s tender mercies while my attitude demonstrates such unforgiveness to them. My heart now ached to receive this gift from God which He so freely began to pour over me.

Something amazing happens when we experience God’s love, His grace, His mercy in a personal way. It breaks through the resistant calluses of our heart and enables us to express His love, grace and mercy towards others. I was changed in that moment of worship. I looked forward to beginning a new day with my children. My prayer now, “Lord, clean up the mess I left for you with my kids”.