Life In The Fast Lane

I have always lived my life highly caffeinated and on an adrenaline rush. Even if I am not running late to start with, I somehow find a little something extra to throw in my my daily routine that sets me back and gets me moving faster. Since having kids, I don’t have to look too hard anymore. Years of this pattern has led me to believe that I am subconsciously addicted to adrenaline. Fortunately, I don’t have a pattern of tardiness to go along with my disfunction, but even still, I may have trouble on it’s way to my mail box. 

While running late on Monday to my prayer meeting on an empty gas tank, I may have been cutting it a little too close with the new stop light cameras. There were at least three questionable moments. And today I could not rush Caleb through his books fast enough before heading out to pick up Isaac from the tutor’s. “Sorry Caleb, no time to look at the pictures and actually enjoy our time together here at Starbucks.” Driving eighty on the freeway as I approached an officer facing me at a turnabout, I threw on the breaks knowing I had been caught. It’s all over, Travis is going to lecture me and I am going to have to take it like a woman cause I deserve it. I watched as he pulled around behind me but miraculously never pulled me over. I can just imagine getting too many points all in one week and losing my license. That is probably not the funniest thought I have ever had, but I laugh anyway. 

Next on the agenda, get gas and run to the library to begin our fun day together. I was so tired by the time we got there all I could do was slouch in the oversized chair forcing long deep breathes. Are we having fun yet? 

You get the idea. I know I am not the stop and smell the roses kind of person. I struggle with the here and now of enjoying my kids, my friends, and family. I am frustrated with the routines of life on my quest to get to the finish line. 

I once heard that the natural coincides with the spiritual and if that is true, what has all this meant for my spiritual life? I wonder how often I have prayed to be changed and then despised the process that God used to answer my prayer? How many times have I treated my “quiet times” like a drive thru service? Or, have I said, “here am I God, use me”, but then walked away from the testing he set before me. 

We all know in our head that life is short. Kids grow up too fast. The duties will all be there in the morning, but the people, the children’s giggles and their hearts may not. We know it, we just don’t always live like we believe it. 

I hope that I can put to rest the “beam me up Scotty” mindset in my spiritual life as well. The last few months I have enjoyed drawing my strength from lingering in God’s presence. I would not have made it through this year if it had not been for the wisdom imparted by the Holy Spirit through the school of Hard Knox. There is a depth that flows from a life who has had nothing else to cling to but God. I have learned not to despise the processes, the hard times. I have seen how they bring forth fullness of life.

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