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I sat there uncomfortable, listening as this respected leader shared with me details about another family that made me wonder about their character. It felt a lot like gossip, but I knew it couldn’t be since this lady was way too mature to do that. Right?

I decided to heed Mrs. Talkamuch words and use caution when interacting with the family with whom I had begun a friendship. By this lady’s words alone, I had allowed my perception about the Godrdefense family to change, though I was suddenly feeling much confusion and unrest.  Up until this moment I had only seen good come from them. I enjoyed them and they were an encouragement to my family, but still I trusted this “wise” woman’s words against them and began to distance myself immediately.

Over time I couldn’t help but continue to watch for fruit to be displayed in both families’ lives. I saw how the Godrdefenses enjoyed much family time; their kids were respected in their high school and youth group. There was a genuine love for God and respect for each other in their home, while the Talkamuches seemed to all live separate lives. Their kids knew how to say all the right things, but the stories we heard from their peers told a much different story of their commitment to God. There was clearly a strain within the family relationships that hurt my heart. And then I began to notice another more subtle discrepancy. The well-respected Talkamuchs weren’t just talking about the Godrdefefenses. They were talking about lots of people, and what they were saying was certainly not expressing love and grace.

And then it happened. You know that feeling in your gut you get when you see someone you had a great connection with just last week, and suddenly there is a different look in his or her eye? Their body language seems to put you at arms distance away from their heart. You begin to wonder if it’s just your own imagination until you notice a growing connection between them and a “talks-too-much” person in your life.

And you just know.

It’s an unaddressable elephant in the room and you have a choice to make. You can become a “talk too mucher” and share your side of the story, which will only cause your friends to be put in the middle of a tug-o-war, or you can find peace in knowing that God said He would be your defense.

Most of our closest friends began to act uncomfortable around us. We caught wind of some of the things being said about us, but we chose to stay silent. It was the most painful thing that I have ever personally walked through.

And just like He promised, God was the Godrdefense’s family defense. We saw the consistent good fruit of their lives while the rotten fruit that the Talkamuchers had tried to hide began to seep like an egg misplaced at Easter.

Gossip is like a sneaky, deadly poison that slips into conversations and brings hate or death. It kills unity. It kills friendships. It produces the opposite of love’s best in people’s lives. It’s a demonic weapon that most of us have fallen prey to at one time or another. We have eaten of its tasty fruit in conversations. It can be so fun and make you feel so good. You feel like you are in the inner circle when a friend shares ugly things with you about another person. You feel so smart when you can make judgments about another person’s issues and solve their problems behind their back.  Gossip tastes good on the lips … that is until it’s about you, because there is one thing that I have found to be true EVERYTIME.

Those who gossip to you will gossip about you.

I’ve been on all sides of gossip. Years ago when the Lord started convicting me of it I started recognizing how shallow a conversation was when it had nothing to do with sharing my own heart or hearing my friend share hers. Gossip keeps us both safe from rejection because we have shared nothing about ourselves.

And then there was the awkward stage in my repentance from gossip of sitting quietly in conversations because I didn’t know what else to talk about.

I finally realized I would need to find new friends who were willing to be real with me. Many of my old friends weren’t willing to change their verbal diet. So I had to dine elsewhere.

I’ve been the one who has been judged in secret corners of the church. Nothing hurts worse than expecting Christians to act like Christ only to be disappointed as they justify their behavior with scriptures taken out of context. Or worse, they just distance themselves from you without ever giving you a chance to make things right in your relationship with them. It happens and it hurts but God redeems it all.

Isaiah 54:17 NKJV, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment, You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me, Says the Lord.”

The truth of our lives condemns those who bring accusations against us. The Bible refers to it as our fruit. It’s those things that are the byproducts of the way we live and love Him. A thriving marriage, strong friendships, children who make good choices, peace, God’s promises consistently displayed in every area of our lives are the fruit that we produce. And it doesn’t come from doing all the “right” things. Good fruit comes because of God’s grace through our intimate connection with Him.

We aren’t to judge each other’s motives, but we are to be fruit inspectors. I was able to discern Mrs. Talkamuch’s level of maturity by the fruit displayed in her life. Though she was held in high regard because of her position, her gossiping tongue warned me to guard myself from her “wisdom”.  I began to realize that though I loved her, I might not want to take council or share personal details of my own life with her. Judging her wasn’t the answer. I just needed to treat her fruit like I would a sugary dessert. Fill myself up on what is nutritious and life giving before I enjoy something that I know isn’t going to feed my vital organs. I can love my friend and enjoy her in moderation with strong boundaries, while being more purposeful in cultivating friendships with more mature people who walk in love towards God and others.

Don’t be a gossip.

Don’t be a judger.

Love God. Love others, and as you do, by His grace, you will produce good fruit in your life.

Know people by their fruit and let that determine how closely you will plant yourself near to them.

If you have been hurt by gossip, I am so sorry. I pray that God’s love would cover you and minister to you. I pray that He would be your defense and that He would redeem every wound that you have endured just like He has for me. That’s His heart for you. That’s His promise to you. So be it, Amen!

Grace is perfectionisms biggest enemy. It is the cure for this disease that chokes out our joy.

Most people who know me would never think I have any perfectionistic tendencies, but like many other women I have an image in my head that I measure myself against.  She’s so perfect that I can’t begin to compare to her.  I have never met her, and yet she has become my ideal woman. If she is the target I am the arrow that misses her mark every time.  She isn’t a starving super model. She’s a super mom!

Super Mom plans out all of the family’s meals for the month, makes out a ginormous grocery list, coupons as a verb, and spends the day shopping for all the deals hitting every grocery store in the metroplex. Finally, Super Mom stuffs her giant extra freezer with meals and snacks that she spends hours preparing so that she can spend the rest of her days in the month cleaning and organizing

An IDEAL mother would NEVER make her kids order a hot lunch form the cafeteria. Super Mom has the house rules posted and a chores sheet hanging in the hall with this kids favorite stickers positively reinforcing their compliance

When her husband gets home from work the kids have completed all of their chores and homework. The house is spotless because her kids would never leave their backpacks and shoes in the middle of the floor.

In fact, Super Mom has a Super Family who then sits down to a big amazing dinner with meat, potatoes and vegetables. “Please pass the bread basket”, they whisper politely at the table.

Well, I don’t eat bread … or potatoes. My husband doesn’t eat red meat. My son and I prefer red meat. My baby only likes bread and rice.

How does Super Mom make it look so easy as she stares down her nose at my failure to measure up?

The problem isn’t that I CAN’T cook. The problem is I strongly dislike cooking. I especially hate the part when I have just made a healthy meal that no one will eat because it doesn’t taste like the Cheesecake Factory. Come on PEOPLE! Use your imagination, will ya?!

I could make homemade pizza with fresh from scratch dough like I did before I had babies. And I could look like I’m still pregnant too. Super Mom makes dinners that everyone eats and still fits into her skinny jeans.

How does she DO it?!

Just like so many other vain images women compare ourselves to, this image I have stuck in my head isn’t real. Sure, we all admire someone who fits this description and for her it isn’t as hard as it is for us. These gracious women are serving their friends and family amazing meals, couponing, and managing a high level of order in their home because this is THEIR gift. It is who God made these women to be. Working within their own gifts brings them life more abundantly. But when I try to work within someone else’s gift I cripple myself from working within mine.

I remember when my husband invited a couple over for dinner that I would be meeting for the first time. I immediately began to step into my Super Mom costume and into my tragedy.

I spent all day stressing, setting the table as perfectly as I knew how, and preparing a dinner that I hoped they would like. When they arrived I had managed to set an atmosphere thick of nervousness. All I wanted to do when my new friends arrived was drop everything and begin working in my own gift. I wanted to look directly into their eyes and give them my full attention. I wanted to demonstrate their value by listening to them and getting to know them. I wanted to see how I could encourage this newly married couple in the Lord. But I couldn’t or the tortillas would burn and the guacamole wouldn’t get mashed.  The “costume” I was wearing was choking the life out of me.

By the time I was finished preparing dinner I was almost too exhausted to hold a conversation. The message of value that I had intended to send with my acts of service was muffled because I was trying to communicate in a language that is foreign to me.

Luke 10:38-42, “Now while they were on their way, it occurred that Jesus entered a certain village, and a woman named Martha received and welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was listening to His teaching. But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]! But the Lord replied to her by saying, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; There is need of only one or but [a few things. Mary has chosen the good portion [that which is to her advantage], which shall not be taken away from her.” Emphasis mine.

Apply Grace For Perfectionism As We Work In Our Own Gifts

Martha was “overly occupied and too busy”. Though she was working within her gift, she was unable to enjoy it because she was driven to make every detail prefect. Perfectionism sweeps us out of moving in grace and robs us of our joy that we receive when we are doing what we were created for.

Jesus wasn’t devaluing Martha’s gift of hospitality when He affirmed Mary’s choice to sit at His feet.  He didn’t imply that Martha needed to stop everything and sit with her sister. He suggested that her “to do” list may be a bit over the top.  Martha wasn’t walking in love any longer as she prepared her home and meal for her guests. She had allowed herself to burn up her joy with an extra dessert that was unnecessary or to dust it away while cleaning up behind her guests. Perfectionism replaces our joy with busyness. It replaces love as our driving force and changes the atmosphere around us.

But it was to Mary’s advantage that she, rather than laying her own gift down to labor in Martha’s gift, would remain at Jesus feet.

Apply Grace To Move In Our Own Gifts Without Comparison

When we walk in perfectionism we step into judgment. We first judge ourselves for our inability to make everything perfect enough. Then we start looking around for someone else to spiral down with us.

Come on, you know it’s true! This is about the time when we start snipping at our husband to help us. Or we get passive aggressive with the other PTA members for not doing their part to help make the event a success. We judge them right along with ourselves for not measuring up to the standard we set in our head … the photo shopped one that we pieced together from this person at her best and that person moving in her gift and a piece of myself on steroids.

We have all been given gifts. When we use our gifts in the freedom of grace we thrive. God is glorified. Others are blessed. It’s a powerful place.

I can learn and grow from your gift without taking on the pressure to make your gift my gift. We can love our differences because we recognize God’s reflection in each other.

We can agree with who God says we are instead of agreeing with our accuser, Satan.

Where is the Holy Spirit calling you to apply His grace in your life? For me, He just wants me to love the way my family eats together. He wants me to open my home and offer encouragement through my freedom to be who God created me to be. He wants to replace the image in my head judging me with an image of God saying, “This is my daughter in whom I am well pleased.”

What is grace saying to you?

** Get a chance to win a free $10 itunes gift card by telling us in the comment section what kind of fruit is depicted in the picture above. We will draw a name from only people who left us the right answer. 

The Other Fruit

Romans 5:5 NASB, “and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

I will never forget when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I had 9 months to ponder what he would look like and how my life was about to change forever. The midwife confirmed what my home test had already told me. “You are expecting!”

Anticipation grew each day not only in me but in everyone around me to finally hold my little bundle of joy. But with it came some fears. Was I eating healthy enough? Is the baby getting everything he needs to grow and develop? His frame was hidden from me deep inside of my womb, but not from God who was knitting him together, as I hoped with all of my heart for His goodness to be made complete on delivery day. (Ps 139)

The funny thing about delivery day is that the doctor makes no promises of when that day will come. We experience signs and evidences of the approaching time. A few of the less gross signs are morning sickness, a growing belly and extreme discomfort, but none of the signs indicate the day or the hour. They only increase the welling expectation in a mother’s heart.

It was getting late, and I was ready for bed when my husband nervously informed me that my blog site had been hacked.  This was especially upsetting news since I was scheduled to give a talk at Orchid (http://www.itsorchid.com/),  a group of professional women in business, in the morning where I would be promoting my blog as well.

Trav stayed up until 4am while he and his friend did everything they could to fix it. By morning they had done all they could, and now we were waiting for Safari and Entourage to deem it safe again and re-allow it. This could take more than a week.

I felt like the Lord told me not to make any apologies to the ladies about my site being down. I trusted Him, even though it was still not up and running by the time I left the house.

After the meeting I was anxious to dash home and see what God had done. Had He come through for me, I wondered. Running through the door I grabbed my laptop, but just before I was about to open it I had a thought, “I can’t get excited.”

Heads up people! God hears our thoughts.

He asked me, “Why can’t you get excited?”

I had to be honest … since He hears what I am thinking anyway, “I don’t want to be disappointed if it isn’t up.”

“Just because others have disappointed you doesn’t mean that I am going to,” came His affirming reply.

We don’t see delivery day without expectancy. (Mark 6:4-6)

I waited one more second before opening my laptop. I allowed my heart to get stirred up again. Just when I felt the excitement return, there was my website back up and running.

Coincidence?  I hope not.

Google’s definition for EXPECTATION is:

1. A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
2. A belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Hope is a synonym for expectation.

God wants us to pray with expectation, especially when He has specifically promised to do something. (Mark 11:23-24”)

Real stories really do make tough truths easier to swallow. So here’s another one.

I don’t get attached to cars. Remember how I told you my husband LOVES them? Well, that means that they are always changing. There really isn’t time to get attached before Trav is bringing home the next family vehicle, that is until this last one.  It’s a black SUV that connects to my phone as soon as I get in the car. I can talk hands free or I can listen to all the songs on my phone through the vehicles excellent sound system. I had grown quite fond of this beast by the time my husband brought home its replacement. It looked just like my “old” one except that it was going to save us $200 dollars a month without all of my favorite features.

I wanted to be onboard with my husband’s plan to save money, but I was sad when the day came for me to drive my “friend” to the dealer to make the trade. He wasn’t in the car with me to watch me cry. But the Lord saw. I heard Him ask me, “Do you want Me to get your car back for you?”

It’s another one of those times when you think “that must be me disguising the voice in my head as God’s.” Years ago I may have dismissed what I heard, but I have since learned to trust that I hear Him. Extravagant things are easy for God. It’s not like anything I could hope for in Him is going to break His bank. I don’t know what holds us back from being receivers when our God just loves to give.

Still, I was hesitant, “Lord, I don’t want to be some kind of diva. The new car that Trav wants me to drive is fine. And I am thankful to have a good running car. I want to honor my husband in his decision, and it’s smart to make cut backs.”

“Do you want Me to get your car back for you?”

Blushing I said, “Yes. If you want to do that for me, I would love it.” I didn’t know how He was going to do it, maybe in a couple years the car would depreciate enough and that would be the next vehicle Trav would bring home to me; probably not the same exact car, but maybe its sister or something. The only thing I really knew for sure was that He would bring it back to me someday just like He promised. He had declared that I was “expecting.” And for that, I was hopefully anticipating my delivery.

A few days later, Trav comes home while I am doing the dishes. Being a bit frustrated, he begins to tell me that it doesn’t look like things are going to work out the way he planned. We may have to switch the SUV’s back. Travis was still pretty concerned that all the switching may cost us extra money in taxes.

By now I am unable to control my giggling, but I assured my husband that I knew it was going to work out just fine. I didn’t want to spiritually manipulate him or the situation by spilling the beans on my promise from God so that is ALL I said. I knew that the Word says God adds riches without any sorrow attached to it, so we were going to be just fine.

The evidence had become clear that my time was approaching.  Fear could have crept in. Striving to make things happen the way God had promised could have come through spiritual manipulation of my husband. But God’s goodness has become evident in my life every time I cruise around in my big bundle of joy.

Expectancy, HOPE is contagious. When I share my stories it inspires others to begin to hope in the Lord too. The word says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

I’m not a diva. I am just God’s girl. I am not special … well at least I am not any more special than you. The fact that I know this may be the only real difference between us.

The enemy wanted me to keep believing that I wasn’t worth anything more than salvation. I was full of pride to hope that one day I could see my prayers answered. He lied to me saying I was driven by greed to expect that God would truly do exceedingly abundantly far above anything I could ask or think in every area of my life.

But the minute I took a baby step towards hope, God RAN to prove Himself to me. He has shown me how His glory shines through His children when they have all that they need and are able to be a blessing to others.

Just like my husband and I would be horrified if the school called and asked us why our kids didn’t have shoes, or warm clothes, or the supplies they needed when all they would’ve had to do was ask us; God’s goodness and His majesty are on display before the world through US who profess His name.  I hope that hurting people can look at my life and find hope. This is why I write. I want to share the hope I have found in my relationship with Jesus.  And I want to be inspired to hope BIGGER as I hear your stories. We change the hopeless atmosphere all around us when we share about how God has delivered His goodness into our life. We aren’t bragging on our self. We are magnifying the Lord!

For YEARS I settled for what the enemy told me was all there was to this child of God thing. And now that I know the truth, I HAVE to share it. But it’s your choice to take a chance and receive it.

Taste for yourself and see that the Lord is good to YOU!

Taste and See

God’s goodness in our family has become undeniable. In recent months we have stumbled upon how to access God’s garden of goodness to enjoy big, juicy, satisfying bites.

It all started when Travis suddenly decided to sell his F-J Cruiser before he had even decided what car he wanted to replace it with. My husband LOVES cars, so he is always thinking about what car he wants next … except this time. Night after night he searched online for the perfect car, while I felt trapped with the kids in the house in the middle of summer.

After sharing a car for a couple of weeks I told him I didn’t care if he bought a pinto, I just needed my car back. So we prayed … a crazy prayer, “… and Father, you could just give us a car. It is nothing for You.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could think about how undeserving we were.

Trav bought TWO cars.

Our third car was a great deal and he thought he could flip it and make some extra money. Again, this is normal for us. But as soon as Trav purchased it, God told him that he was going to give it away.

My husband was soon approached by a friend who asked him if he had any cars for sale. He needed a car, and God had just told him that Travis had a car for him. But how awkward is THAT to just go up to some guy and ask him to give you a car?  So he left that part out which would’ve been Trav’s cue.

Trav, forgetting what God had told him and meaning to be generous, told “Jack” that we had a car he could pick up after work for what we had into it.

As soon as “Jack” drove away, God said, “That’s the guy I want you to give the car to.” About that same time “Jack” called to say he wasn’t able to come over, since he couldn’t afford to buy a car.

As much as he didn’t want to spoil the surprise, Travis had to spill the beans to get him over with his family. Our kids were excited and began to bring out toys for our friends’ kids. We all prayed together and shared with each other the things that the Lord had shown us. Everyone was encouraged and saw God’s goodness in a tangible way.

That’s a pretty fun ending!  But it was immature of us to think this story was over.

The next day was back to business as usual, until God confronted my husband. “You’re not a very good farmer, “ He warned.

“A what, God?” thought my city boy with his spiked hair and Rock Revival,

fashionist-“O” lifestyle.

“You sow seeds and you don’t watch over them or believe Me for a harvest.”

We thought about all the seeds we had invested in God’s kingdom over the years our time, money, resources, and our gifts. What had we missed out on? What had others missed out on because we just gave with out watering our seed with prayer?

We both prayed over the car we had given (sown) believing that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Not only was this car going to be a vehicle of God’s goodness to our friends, but it was also our seed planted for the Kingdom, watered in prayer and we were watching for our harvest.

Meanwhile, we have a favorite ministry Sower of Seeds that we love to support. Among other things, they rescue women who have been trafficked. We bought two raffle tickets for a Jeep from them without the slightest hope of winning. We just wanted to give. You can imagine our surprise when we received the phone call that we were proud owners of a tricked out Jeep!!

There was NO question in our heart that our seed had produced a reward. And WOW!! Talk about a taste of His goodness!

The lesson we learned, we now apply to everything we give.  We don’t give to get. We do it because it’s fun and brings us joy. It’s not GIVING if we can’t do that. It’s an obligation.

Here’s another example of how giving, or sowing, works.  The other day I was in a position where I planned to bless my friend, but was a little taken aback when I got the bill. I knew I was still going to pay, but my heart wanted to hold onto the stress of the amount. Basically, I was moving towards obligation. I was going to do the “right” thing without the joy of blessing

My attitude quickly changed when the Lord reminded me of the farming principle. I paid the bill and prayed over the “seed” and asked God for a harvest, a reward.  Immediately the stress left me and joy took its place. It was joy wrapped up in anticipation for what God was going to do.

Life in God is super exciting! There are surprises at every turn.

A few days later, I am meeting my friend at the spa, before I could say a word, she paid my bill. She just wanted to bless me. It just so happens that the cost was about equal to the bill I had blessed my other friend with, only days before.

I assure you this is not manipulating God who, by the way, cannot be manipulated.  God has shown my husband and I how this is more about stewardship. God expects us to share His heart generously with others in many ways. We have gifts, resources, talents, encouragements and even the most offensive of all MONEY.  It all comes from Him and we get to steward it for Him.  He even lets us enjoy it for ourselves. But sometimes, He asks us to give it, and when He does, He wants to see His storehouse replenished. I think if we were to be honest, we would appreciate that as well.

I am asking you to take another chance. In Part I – The Other Good Fruit  I asked you to believe God for every gift He offers to us in the Bible. And now I want to encourage you to take the stewardship challenge. All that you have belongs to God. You are like His storehouse. When He asks you to distribute his resources, expect (be confident) that He desires to see a return for His investment. And He will replenish His storehouse if it is open to receive.

How would your giving be different if you saw it as farming?  The more land a farmer has, the more seed he plants and the greater the harvest. Does the farmer get to eat from his own land? Does he ever plant seeds without watching over it with his whole heart? Does he labor, preparing the ground and planting the seeds, without believing he will see a return?

The things we steward for God are our seeds. Each time we give, we are sowing seeds, and this is extending God’s kingdom. We water our seed when we pray over it. We agree with God that it will be a blessing to others, and that we would receive a blessing as well. Finally, we are to be watchful and expectant of God’s goodness, His reward being produced in our lives.  “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

I HOPE you will check back for Part III where I HOPE to encourage you with some more exciting testimonies and challenge you to get HOPEFUL in a God who promises to never disappoint us.

The “Other” Good Fruit

Let me just start by saying I am no one special. I can show you in scripture that God doesn’t even have favorites. But the stories I am about to share with you may just cause you to believe otherwise.  Well, that is unless you chose to write off each miracle as coincidence, as some are in the habit of doing.

I too used to inadvertently overlook God’s goodness in my life simply by “if it’s your will” prayers. How could I give God credit for the things He was doing in my life when I had not even asked Him for any of it? Not having had a conversation with God about my needs and hopes made it really easy to overlook His favor on me and credit coincidence instead. I think I was scared to believe Him for the rewards that He promises in scripture. Often times, I didn’t even know what they were. I lived out my “faith” knowing in my head that God was good, but never really believing in my heart that His goodness was for me.

The first time I remember taking a chance to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8), I was reading a familiar scripture. I had always been taught that I should read the Bible as if it were a letter to me, but there were plenty of scriptures, like the one I am about to share, that I would skip over because I didn’t feel good enough. This is what I read that day and decided NOT to skim through it as though I was reading someone else’s letter.

1Corinthians 14:1AMP, “EAGERLY PURSUE and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest]; and earnestly desire and cultivate the spiritual endowments (gifts), especially that you may prophesy interpret the divine will and purpose in inspired preaching and teaching).”

After a long stammering prayer, I finally got up the nerve to ask God for the gift of prophesy. I mean, it said “ESPECIALLY” desire that one. I even asked God to forgive me in advance if I was being prideful for asking.

The next thing I know, I am seeing this gift at work in my life, and THAT was my first delicious taste of God’s goodness to ME.

I saw the gift at work when I received an email from a friend who was requesting prayer for her rapidly thinning hair. Immediately I felt impressed to give her a scripture, but the one God whispered to me seemed so silly. I swallowed my pride and sent it anyway. A couple years later my friend ran up to me and reminded me of the verse I had given her, “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30)

She shared a miraculous testimony with me of praying and standing on that scripture until her hair was completely restored. She said that it had grown in so thick that strangers would even marvel at her thick mane. That’s the goodness of God demonstrated to her AND to ME!

Growing more confident in God’s favor towards me I asked Him one day why I never get those I-just-read-your-mail-kind of words for people. I immediately heard Him respond, “That’s the gift of the Word Of Knowledge, and you haven’t asked me for that yet. Would you like that too?”

Talking to God is so fun! He really cracks me up. Of course I said “yes” and soon after I texted my friend something that the Lord had showed me: and her response, “You just read my mail.” We were both encouraged and saw the goodness of God active in our lives.

There has also been a ton of little things that I’ve almost overlooked if God had not drawn my attention back to those prayers.

My son Caleb had a small mouth as a baby. Now, that didn’t stop him form being loud, but it did mean that when his big boy teeth came in, his teeth would be crowded. The dentist was sure he would need braces.  I prayed and committed it to the Lord every time I thought about it until I forgot. Now that he is nearly 10 years old and he has a perfect straight smile it dawned on me that this is another miracle and evidence that God cares for the details of my family’s lives even when they seem a bit vain.

I can pray in confidence for healing for my family, including their teeth, because I know the scriptures promising God’s healing and I believe them.

I don’t mean to say “if it’s your will” prayers are not heard by God.  A willingness to agree with God for His will in every circumstance is a sweet place to start.  I believe that we can KNOW God’s will and then pray it out with understanding. Then when we see our prayers answered the way we prayed them we get to rejoice in God’s provision. It’s exciting and faith building each time we discover that God really does move mountains for us. It is so fun to get to partner with God to see His will become a reality.

The best way to know God’s will is to know what the Bible says. We learn through great preaching and teaching, but my personal favorite is to learn by reading it and listening to it on CD for myself. Then it’s not filtered through what someone else has experienced. It’s the Word of God in raw goodness speaking to me where I am at each day.

The next challenge occurs when coming across scripture that challenges our thinking.  First, we have to believe what it says regardless of what we may have been taught in Sunday school. Is it possible that everyone makes mistakes? Is it possible that there have been trends in applying the Scriptures that may have been a little off? Maybe those trends have caused us to question the original spiritual truth.

“We know in part and we prophesy in part.” (1 Corinthians 13:9) In other words, we are all still learning and that’s okay.

Even more challenging still is overcoming our own insecurities to recognize our value to God.  I had to swallow what I didn’t recognize as pride in order to humbly ask God to give me a gift that I felt unworthy to receive.

I took a chance and discovered that it gave God pleasure to give me the desires of my heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Knowing scripture serves as a safety measure when hearing God for His will through personal revelation. Some refer to these revelations as God-whispers or a sense in your heart. Whatever you call it, you need to know that you can hear God and know His will. And when you do, you get to agree with God in prayer. Talk about praying powerful prayers that you can have full confidence in seeing answered!

Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

The way that God changes the way we think is through learning scripture in the raw, and agreeing with what God says. This is what scripture says will teach us to know God’s will, and it is a good and pleasing and perfect will.

I hope you are encouraged today to go after God’s goodness!

Stop back by to hear more of my personal stories of God’s goodness and the things He is showing my husband and I about Spiritual Farming in God’s Goodness (Part 2).

“Shy people are people who have something to hide.” The words stung like a bee attack on my sweet little high school romance. My boyfriend’s dad had made it pretty clear that he didn’t like his son dating me.

I had come a long way from the little girl who used to hide behind my Mom when people would talk to me. But this suspicious father still had me pegged. I was hiding something. I was trying desperately to hide every part of who I was from this man and his perfect little Christian family. Underneath my painful silence was the shame of being molested, raped, and a whole lot of bad choices I made myself. My blushing cheeks were certainly not evidence of my sweet innocence. They revealed my insecurity.

Insecurity has many other faces besides blushing cheeks and a mute mouth, but the one that really freaks me out is most often never discovered. It is disguised in pride, mockery, and control. This kind of insecurity is like a slithering snake; some find it very attractive and are even awed by its beauty or power. Its presence prompts fear, and you sense that if it feels threatened it will strike without warning. Somehow, we keep going back to the snake as if we are seeking its approval or an ally.

The snake is at work in that “mean girl” we met in junior high. We all talked about how much we disliked her, but we all wanted to be her friend anyway.

The snake can be seen in the person who somehow always talks you into doing things you don’t really want to do, but for some reason you just can’t say “no”.

It can rear its ugly head at you in passive aggressive jabs, coarse joking at your expense and other means that leave you wondering, “Is it just me or is this person totally putting me down?”

Insecurity victimizes so many in our broken society, but how do we love an insecure person without letting its demon control us with its venomous ways? Is it possible for me to do enough for this person to fill their void?

I’m not going to lie, catch me on a bad day in a group of people I don’t know or feel comfortable with, and I may revert to old insecure feelings. The difference is that I won’t make it all about me in those situations again. The stinging truth is that shy, insecure people are very self-absorbed people. All I used to think about was what others thought about me. How comfortable I was, how I looked, me, me, I, I. It never occurred to me that maybe someone else in the room may be feeling uncomfortable, and I could be a safe place for them.

I had a beautiful, charismatic confident teacher, Lynn Dicken-Cerullo who once said to my class, “ When you walk into a room, instead of wondering if anyone is going to like you, say to your self, ‘Everyone here LOVES me!!’” I still laugh every time I have to remind myself to think this way, but the reality for all of us is we are created in God’s image, all of mankind including YOU. So, with that in mind, the better question is, “why WOULDN’T everyone love us?”

I had some paradigm shifting to do before I could be free of my insecurity chain. But before that, it didn’t matter how hard someone tried to make me feel welcomed, loved, or accepted they couldn’t fill my bottomless pit. Sadly, if someone tried I would be more successful in depleting them than they would be in meeting my needs. I needed to change and people are helpless to change other people.

So the answer is “NO.” No matter how many hoops we jump through for someone, or how many favors we do for them, or how many times we put an insecure person’s needs above our own, they will still not get their need for acceptance and love filled up by us. In fact, we will actually be getting in the way of the ONE who is able.

God has a BIG job to do, and, admittedly, I sometimes think that I can do His job for Him. I just want to help Him so badly, so I play God to others for Him. But what usually happens … okay fine! What ALWAYS happens when I do that is I get in God’s way, and I mess things up worse for others and for myself. I prolong the suffering in their life just because I was trying to end it quicker.

Here’s the problem with the insecurity snake versus us; when we choose loose boundaries based on our own insecurities, we get burned and blame the person we were so diligently trying to love. But, whose fault is it really? Is it God’s for not protecting us? Is it the other person for asking too much of us? Or is it ours for needing something from them that we should have been getting from God?

Think of the way a python grips its prey tighter each time the victim tries to take its next breath until the snake suffocates the life out before eating it whole. It swallows the victim leaving nothing behind.

When we allow ourselves to become entangled by this serpent the person we once were will soon cease to exist. You can see this in any abusive relationship. The dominant forces at work in an abuser will strip its dependent of their identity, likes, dislikes, confidence and drive. Ever wonder why an abused wife doesn’t run? She doesn’t believe she can survive without her abuser. And she often feels sorry for him.

Insecurity can look a lot like puppy dog eyes too.  It’s the sad little face that makes you feel responsible for someone else’s happiness. Insecure mothers, for example, may feel rejected when their kids no longer need them. She may allow insecurity to control the way she communicates with her children. Eventually her kids don’t even want to pick up the phone because they are tired of the guilt trips.

You know, there’s a reason why a mothers milk dries up eventually, and it’s a reminder that we mothers aren’t supposed to be our children’s life source. We get to teach them to feed themselves, make good choices and prepare them to leave our nest. It’s not easy for any of us, but confident mothers will allow children the opportunity to spread their wings, make a few mistakes, and eventually soar!

We can all avoid becoming a female dog by not using manipulation to control others we care about. The saying really is true. “If you love somebody let them go. If they never come back they were not yours to begin with.” But a healthy relationship will respect each other’s boundaries without taking up an offense.

So many books have been written on boundaries and this is why. It is the key to loving that little puppy dog without being choked by its leash. Boundaries will allow you to love your friends and your family in a way that will protect them and keep you from getting entangled in an unhealthy relationship.

So how do we recognize an insecure relationship?

I think 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says it best.  “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

I don’t know too many people whose actions live up to this all of the time, so grace is needed in every relationship. But a healthy relationship will more often express love with these qualities. But what if it doesn’t?

If we are not setting clear boundaries with an insecure person, it will become increasingly difficult to love him or her with this perfect love. The more we do things for them that we don’t want to do, the more we allow them to make their frustrations our frustrations, when we take up their offenses without seeing the other side we will soon burnout.

Whether we want to overcome our own insecurity or help someone overcome his or hers, love is the key. The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear and insecurity is rooted in fear. We will overcome our insecurity the more we understand how much God loves us. And we can help others by loving them as we love our self.

Matthew 22:37-40 AMP, “And He replied to him, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect). This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself. These two commandments sum up and upon them depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 7:12 NASB, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Learning to love God and learning to love ourselves empowers us to love others. We won’t be very good at loving until we have learned to love ourselves, and we won’t know how to love our self until we have discovered our value from knowing God’s love. No wonder these are the greatest commands! Abiding by them will keep us safe and to teach us to be a safe place for our friends and family.

Insecurity takes many faces; blushing cheeks, slithering snakes, and female dogs to name a few. These are your enemy, but your friend’s face is not.  If you are angry and at the end of your rope with your “neighbor”; establish healthy boundaries with them, and then fight FOR them not against them.

Ephesians 6:10-20, “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.”

I can’t promise that healthy boundaries and walking in love will be received well in all of your relationships, but the Bible tells us in Romans 12:18NAS, “If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.” Just do your part and trust the Lord to cover you.

It was so stinky. It smelled like something had died! No, I am not talking about our car on an eighteen-hour road trip with my boys, although that blog is coming. I am talking about the shallow, murky waters I have come across when my parents use to make me go camping. Whatever life may have once thrived in the stagnant bodies of water has since died. The stench enters your nostrils about the time you see the slimy green fur peeking through its shoreline. Sometimes there is even an oily haze over the top hiding the waters ability to offer the sunlight’s reflection.

It wasn’t long ago that my days were spent in secret. I wasn’t hiding; I was just hidden in my cocoon and enjoying a season of rest. I had been through a tough first 30 some years of my life and God gave me that time to recover from heartbreak in ministry, relationships, and mommy exhaustion; but, mostly mommy exhaustion.

Having two boys about 16 months apart while going through extreme financial hardship, and so many other disappointments had me praying crazy prayers. “Lord, please let me have a nervous break down so I can go away to a hospital for a little while. No one knows how strong I have had to be or how my high tolerance for pain has shielded them from realizing how badly I need help. Lord help me to lose control so I can get help”.

Well, I guess I am stronger than I thought. The funny farm never took me away in a little white jacket, but God literally hid me away under His broad shadow.

My kids were growing more independent, so I got to spend hours out of my day praying and studying the Bible. Being new to the area, I didn’t have very many friends yet, nor did I spend much time on the phone since I was getting filled up on God’s Word.  My home was my oasis, and I loved never leaving it.

But then God started drawing attention to me. He rolled back His shadow and nudged me out of the nest. He told me He was going to do it. He even got my permission first. Still, I was angry when He first asked me to step back into leadership and ministering to people outside of my own home. I knew the pulls that would come to tug me away from spending time with Him or from putting my family first. I remembered the pride of moving up in leadership, of getting noticed and forgetting that God was the more amazing one and I was just to be His friend as I loved others like He loved me.

I didn’t want any part in all of that mess!  I didn’t want to be distracted from the revelations that He was giving me. But mostly, I think I was afraid. I never wanted to go back to having all the right things to say but without really knowing God. I knew I would die if I ever found myself too busy to hear Him again.

I remember having the worship music playing in the background as I began to curl up next to Jesus to hear what was on His heart for the day. He kept showing me His heart for friends and asking me to get up and share it with them in emails right away. He would speak to me encouraging words for them as I typed.

At first it was fun, but then I got frustrated. I started to wonder if I was reverting back to my old ways of going to God just to get something for someone else.  I wanted any ministry I did to come from the overflow of what God was doing in my own heart.

What happened next is not something I would recommend. It’s one of those moments when you ask yourself later, “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!”

Snuggled up to the Lord again, I felt interrupted by the encouraging downloads for someone in my ladies group. This time I said, “NO! I won’t do it. This is OUR time together.”

My response was followed by His silence. And now the very thing I feared had come upon me.

This year God has shown me how life in Him is meant to be like a powerful river.

Much like a river where the rushing waters produce oxygen for the fish and living creatures to breath causing them to thrive; when God is allowed to flow through us like a river He will breath life into us and into the lives all around.  Many waters trickle downward towards the river from the mountaintops until the river grows wider and stronger.

But the day that I said “no” to God I built a dam that ceased His flow in my life.  I could no longer receive from my life source nor did I have anything to give until I was willing to damn that dam.

The longer we allow a dam to stop the flow of God in and through us the more life will cease to exist. When I stopped the flow of God in my life, I was like a slowly diminishing puddle. My heart began to grow stale and a haze started to form over it hiding my ability to offer the Son’s light and His reflection.

I don’t want to be a stinky, shallow, follower of Christ that no one can stand being around. This year I have learned how to get filled up without holding on to tightly to the deep waters because I know that there is always more rushing to meet me. He is a River that will never run dry just so long as I stay open to receive and I never build dams.

Psalm 1:3 “They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season, their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.”

Jeremiah 17:8, “For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.”

Part II of the series Discovering Your Husband As Your Greatest Ally

Part I: Becoming Your Husband’s Advocate (READ FIRST)

In part one of this series we learned about becoming a safe place for our husband to grow by aligning ourselves with Jesus as our mate’s advocate. It is the foundation that must be laid before our spouse can begin to trust us to be on his team. It takes us out of the way of what God wants to do in our husband’s life and removes our burden to be his “holy spirit”.

And change begins … with us first.

Part II: It’s An Honor To Give Honor

Regardless of what men say, I think we women are pretty predictable. I realize I’m about to spout off several generalizations, but it’s my blog so I get to say what I want.

Little girls want to grow up, get married, and have babies. We dream of our wedding day. We all have expectations of what married family life will look like. We marry boys who have not given it much thought, and now we get to tell them what we expect. And when they don’t get it, we push harder until we either rule as king of the home, or we continue a daily battle with our spouse for the position.

When we girls get together, the conversation will inevitably begin with our pregnancy and birthing stories. We won’t agree on our birthing methods, but we will compete for the “hardest possible labor” prize. Once a winner has emerged, the rest of us will concede by moving on to a new competition.

We will share stories of dirty socks left on the floor, the husband who works too much, the one who has time management challenges and can’t seem to make it home on time. We will all agree that the man we chose for ourselves is severely flawed and seem to laugh at our own misfortune. One story will be told after the other, and each time we tell our own, we will try to outdo all the others.

In the presence of our friends, sometimes our children and often in front of our spouse, we begin to strip our husband naked with our words. We expose his weaknesses and emasculate him until we have won the competition. The prize we are awarded is a man who, realizing he can never please the woman he married, gives up trying. He loses his drive and can’t seem to get ahead anymore. He is afraid to take a chance, so he never gets the big promotion. He stops using his gifts and stops growing. He stops reaching out because who is there to talk to now that all of his friends know what a failure he is?

We have a great laugh at our husband’s expense, but we got so much more because our words lingered in his ear until they produced a harvest of weeds, choking out the future of our marriage and successes of our family. The words have suffocated the affections he once had, and we can’t stop wondering when he lost that look he use to get in his eye when we walked into the room. But we won.

“The wise woman builds her house but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

Here’s how God showed me how to build my house.

If Jesus, the son of God, couldn’t do great things in his own hometown, saying “A prophet has no honor in his hometown,” then our husband, who doesn’t happen to also be God, won’t be able to do great things in his home without HONOR either. But what could he do with a little (or a lot) of honor?

I know that honor is said to be man’s greatest need, but I had to ask myself, “ What the heck is honor anyway?! And how do I give it to my husband?”

I had been on this amazing ride with Jesus for a while prior to my pursuit to win back my husband’s passion for the Lord and for me. So when I asked the Lord about honor, He was able to show me how my relationship with Him had been a demonstration of what honor looks like.

Everyday I enjoyed being in a relationship with Jesus. Everyday I asked Him about my day before it began. I had grown to trust Him so completely that there wasn’t anything that I didn’t ask Him about. And I knew that there wasn’t anything that He would ask me to do that I would regret doing. I saw His ways as higher than my ways and I esteemed Him by listening to Him and [gasp] by obeying.

Ephesians 5:21, “ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”

This is the part where we all start to freak out. We think of the mean, controlling, chauvinistic men who abuse weak women, and we don’t want to be weak. We know we are smart. God gave us a good brain to use, and we don’t need to answer to some man, right?

There I go making generalizations again. But before you click back to your Facebook page, at least hear me out. Let me tell you how this amazing, offensive way of the Bible has brought me everything my heart had ever hoped for in my marriage. By the end, you may even think it’s worth reposting.

I don’t think I would have been able to honor my husband in the way God was calling me to if I had not already grown to trust my Lord with such assurance.

I had a big decision to make. It was weighing heavy on me, and I didn’t really believe that Travis could help me make it, but I trusted that if I obeyed God in submitting to my husband, He would cover me even if Travis was wrong.

I knew Travis wasn’t used to me listening to him, so it made it easy for him to spout out from emotion his opinions. Slightly angry, I pointed my finger at his face and said, “I want you to know that I am going to be asking your advice on some things and you had BETTER hear from God before you answer because I am actually going to listen!!”

I don’t remember him saying anything, just that his jaw dropped a little. There were no words that could be spoken. I’m not even sure if he believed me, but soon he would see a complete turn around.

It was so humbling submitting my life to him, and then submitting my will to God’s will and honoring Travis’s ways above my own ideas. Secretly, I was setting out to prove God wrong. He would soon see that this would NEVER work! OK, I obviously had some more growth that needed to happen in the area of trusting God. I was driven in the beginning by this stubborn resolve that I was going to do exactly what God and Trav told me to do until everything was a mess. Then they would have to agree that everything was much better when I did things my own way.

I discovered that God is more stubborn than me.

He kept bringing about such good fruit in my life every time! I began to see God’s protection literally shielding me from dangers. I saw how many of my relationships were realigned. I saw how when I listened and followed my husband’s advice, I was less stressed out trying to do things I wasn’t meant to be doing. He asked me to lay some big responsibilities down so that I could focus on the things that would make my own dreams come true.

He started caring about my dreams coming true! He has been and continues to be my biggest supporter, honest encourager, and even acts as my personal agent at times. He believes in me more than I believe in myself and pushes me past my limits all the time.

I have seen how my husband’s shoulders broadened to protect me. His heart has turned towards me. And his eyes now light up again when he sees me. I don’t feel invisible to him anymore now that I can clearly see he is passionate for me.

He esteems me highly. It’s what I had wanted all along, but couldn’t get him to see in me what there was to prize. He started inviting me into his world and sharing his heart with me. Even now he asks me what I think and agrees with me. The way he listens and repeats the things I say to him like it is treasure honors me and makes me feel like the most special woman in the world.

1 Peter 5:6, “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.”

So many women I know are scared to enter into the kind of relationship with her husband where he is a bigger part of her decision-making process. They are afraid of what he will say. They aren’t confident that he really believes in them or truly understands what they need. But, generally speaking again, they deeply desire to know him as their greatest ally.

I can promise you that the perspective your husband will offer you is going to be very different than what your girlfriends are going to tell you. I can promise you that he will say things that stretch you and sometimes even hurt a little because the truth hurts sometimes, but it frees us.

I can promise you that opening yourself up in such a vulnerable way to your spouse is going to be one of the hardest things you have ever done. And I can promise you that if you choose to submit yourself to him as unto the Lord, you will see your husband’s heart flourish with passion for you, for the Lord, and with hope for the things he can accomplish.

You may be like I was when the Lord first asked me to honor my husband in submission. You may have to trust that if the Lord asks you to do something, He is going to cover you and come through for you when you obey God. And even in my stubbornness to prove that this was a mistake, I am thankful that it was God’s pleasure to prove me wrong. He was delighted to show me that His ways are higher than mine and that in spite of my pride, I was still able to see the blessing of the Lord on my marriage because I gave it my best shot, swallowed my pride, and honored my husband anyway.

Honor bestows honor. Let change begin with you.

Part 1: Becoming His Advocate

I have this picture of my husband and I on our wedding day. I pass by it on the shelf often without really noticing it most of the time.  I can’t say that a flood of emotions fill my heart when I hold it thinking back on that very special day.

When this moment was snapped into existence I was just a little annoyed with the man of my dreams. Travis was being a bit silly instead of following the romantic script I had in my head for our wedding day. I suppose that was the day it all began. I realized I had a lot of work ahead of me if I was going to change Travis into Mr. Perfect as defined by me. Maybe that’s why we fought so much the first year or maybe it was just because we didn’t seem to speak the same language. It seemed that every effort to communicate turned into a war. We both secretly wondered at times how we would make it knowing that for us divorce was not an option and couldn’t even become a second thought.

Our church welcomed Trav’s favorite pastor, Duane Vanderclock and his wife, to share a message on marriage. I don’t remember much of what we learned, just one quote from the pastor about how for the first seven years of his marriage he had been a jerk and didn’t know it. I prayed, “GOD get me through to our seventh year!”

For seven years whenever we had a fight, or my feelings were hurt I thought ahead to the day my husband would miraculously change and be who I thought he should be. Just a few more years to go…

I can’t imagine what it would be like to sense your life partner’s prideful disapproval all the time. It must’ve been like an attack on Travis’s identity. He would have no other choice but to resist me unless he was willing to let go of who God had created him to be. In a very practical sense I had made myself his opponent. In fact, I was standing with the enemy as the “accuser of the brethren” Maybe that’s why he tried to cast demons out of me.

Revelations 12:10b NLT, “…for the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth—the one who accuses them
before our God day and night.”

Day and night I could not appreciate who my husband was because I was too busy pointing out his weaknesses. I was coming into agreement with my husband’s enemy and using my powerful position as his wife to tear him down. Proverbs says that the wise woman builds her house but the foolish woman tears hers down with her OWN HANDS.

I thought I was pretty smart, but I was acting the fool. Sadly, pride blinded me to my folly until God humbled me. That’s a whole other story, but September 2009, just before my husband’s birthday, God gave us both a great present. And there began a most fulfilling future for our marriage.

After several years of Humility at Every Last Level bootcamp, God had a hold of my heart completely. I fell in love so deeply with Jesus that I didn’t need anything else from anyone. He so completely filled me up that I didn’t look to Travis for romance, encouragement, help or wisdom. I thought I was in a really good place, but God gave me an assignment to pray for my husband and to pursue his heart with the same fervency I had pursued God’s.

Here is an entry from my journal from my first day on the job:

“Today begins day one of my commitment to submit to my husband against my own will. I’m doing it not because I feel like he deserves it. I’m doing it as unto the Lord because God has my heart, my attention, my affections. I am doing this because God has been good to me. He loves me, is faithful, respects me, esteems me highly and I know He has my best interests in mind whenever He asks me to do anything. God is never selfish. I am doing this because I trust GOD! I trust Him alone to meet my every need and I want Him.”

Well, it was an honest start at least and that is all God wants. He didn’t need me to pretend that my heart was pure and whole. He just needed me to begin to agree with Him so that as I interceded for my husband, Christ would conform my heart to the Father’s will in every purpose, thought and action for Travis.

1 John 2:1AMP, “MY LITTLE children, I write you these things so that you may not violate God’s law and sin. But if anyone should sin, we have an Advocate (One Who will intercede for us) with the Father–it is Jesus Christ, the all righteous [upright, just, Who conforms to the Father's will in every purpose, thought, and action].

Definition of Intercede: 1. to plead on behalf of someone, especially when the person is about to be punished; 2. to act as a mediator

Synonyms: mediate, advocate, intervene, intrude, assist, arbitrate

Antonyms: remove [oneself], antagonize

Tips: Intercede is derived from the Latin intercedere, which means “intervene, go between.” Interceding refers to getting in the middle of something and intervening, but it goes beyond intervening, as you are intervening in order to help someone.

I changed teams that day. Instead of standing in agreement with our enemy, the accuser, I stood with Christ and began to remind God of who He created my husband to be. I thought about the man I had agreed to spend the rest of my life with and what I had once seen in him. I reminded God of THAT man and I reminded myself too. The Holy Spirit showed me things about Travis that I had not seen before and I declared those things over Travis in the Spirit.

This was a covert mission. I didn’t tell Trav anything about what the Lord was showing me. Any change that I would see would not come from a place of Travis trying to strive to be something that God had not done in him.

Exciting? YES! Grueling at times? Definitely. Especially when God began to point ME in the direction of change. I have yet to go to God in complaint about someone when He has not eventually turned my pointing finger back on myself. But in this case God showed me how my husband and I are “one flesh” so when I am praying and interceding for him, I am praying and interceding for myself. We aren’t opponents. We are on the same team. If he loses, I lose. So it is to my benefit that I support my husband, cheer him on, sometimes step out of his way, come behind him as a guard, and invest in him however he needs me to.

Change was definitely taking place and it started in me. As I submitted to God and prayed for my husband, God was changing ME.

As my husband’s advocate my heart began to align with God’s heart or my husband. He even showed me ways that I could demonstrate to my husband that I was on his team.  And I saw something beginning to change in us both. We started talking more. I didn’t feel the same resistance between us keeping us from connecting more intimately. For us the magic number wasn’t 7 years. The miracle came when I decided to obey God and go first. I didn’t need to wait for my husband to be something that he is not before I could come along side of him. He didn’t need to change as much as I did needed to change. And when I let God do His work in me I got to see the birth of a miracle in my marriage.

When I look at that picture now I can’t help but smile. I see two people who barely knew each other making a decision to spend the rest of our lives together. It makes me reminisce on the last 12 years of our lives spent together for richer and poorer, in good times and in bad. But we made it … together as a team. I think about if I had to do it all over again knowing then what I know now I wouldn’t change a single day of getting to know my Travis as he has grown into a pillar of strength and wisdom for our family. My heart swells with pride for this man whom I have come to love so deeply.

I share our story not to dishonor my husband or to say that I had it all together. I was walking in pride and deception as a young wife. From my perspective at the time my husband was the problem. Thankfully, God lovingly intercepted me from tearing down my house with my own hands. I hope you saw that in my story.

Don’t give up. There is hope for your marriage.

Watch for my next blog in this series about how to make your man esteem you with that same look in his eye that he had for you on your wedding day. To be Continued…

Church people. For some, the term is comforting. Wherever you go you look for people to connect with based on whether they consider themselves a part of this culture. You see a fish on the back of a car and you smile a little suddenly feeling less alone on the road. Well, that is until you realize that ‘s NO FISH. It’s an aggressive SHARK that has just cut you off!

Then there are others of us Jesus loving folks who would rather avoid such gatherings of people except that we have learned not to “forsake the assembling of ourselves together”. That was me. Thankfully I say it WAS and not still is me.

I would try not to get to church too early. Then I would sneak out as soon as the church service was over just so that I would not have to have one more wounding interaction with a “sister” in the Lord. I would brush past people as I stared coldly past them. This was me on my good behavior.

It’s like I could sense them, the church people, when they were around me without knowing they were there. Once I joined my husband on a business trip where he would be working with a Christian conference. Carrying my baby and navigating my way through the breakfast crowd at our hotel I spot an empty table where I could settle my kids while I go get their food from the buffet. Just when I was about to sit down this lady dashed in front of me fully aware of me and my three boys … and this is me on a bad day.

Have you ever heard of tourette’s? “A severe neurological disorder characterized by multiple facial and other body tics, often accompanied by grunts and compulsive utterances, as of interjections and obscenities.”

I don’t remember exactly what came out of my mouth that day, but I definitely began to manifest tourette’s not leaving out the obscenities part. That’s when my husband came up behind me all excited. “Look, Honey! All these people are here for the conference. Isn’t it awesome?”

And then there were all the women’s conferences that I avoided because if I were to be honest, I didn’t like women. To me, at the time, it was nothing more than a bunch of church ladies coming together to learn how to be more like Jesus while shoving their way to the front rows to save seats for their little click of buddies. People like me were invisible to them and probably just in their way of “the next move of God”. Ouch, maybe that was TOO honest. But I know some of you can relate. If not, before you get offended and click away, let me tell you about how God pulled the plank out of my own eye.

Who knows why I ever agreed to go to this thing, except that I think my dear friend was performing at my church women’s conference event. I was nervous as I decided what to wear. Too plain? Too tight? Too casual? How would I be judged, I wondered as I held each garment up to the mirror.

My heart beat a little harder the closer I got to the building and once in the parking lot my defenses were completely up. I was armed and ready like a porcupine. No one would dare mess with me.

Immediately I was agitated with the less than friendly greeter. “Why be a greeter if you don’t like people?” I thought to myself.

It wasn’t an audible voice but it was definitely a STRONG voice I heard apprehend my heart. God said,  “Take another look at her. Look in her eyes and tell me what you see”.

And I saw me.

The Lord showed me how this woman was carrying the same hurts I had ruling me. She had stood there at the door as several other women before me had brushed past her devaluing her precious smile and ignoring her greeting. By the time I arrived she wasn’t sure if she could take one more rejection.  She was scared to put herself out there again and was beginning to determine in her heart that the women coming to this conference didn’t need her. We didn’t love her. And she now carried that fear on her face just above the badge on her collar that said, “Greeter”.

My heart broke for her and others just like us. And then I was convicted to change. I realized that I had allowed my offense to make me what I hated. And I was no better than any other woman I had judged for not walking in the love of God that we professed.

That was the day that not only was I healed from my pain as God’s grace covered me and covered my “sisters” in the Lord. I was set free from the bondage of being a walking offense. I determined to prefer others over myself even if that meant I would take a seat in the “nose bleed” section furthest away from the front. I decided that I would not take the offense of rejection from “church people” when they were only acting out of their own pain. Instead, I would make it my mission to love them until they were absolutely uncomfortable. I can’t tell you how fun that is for me with my dry sense of humor.

Hey church people, can we commit to taking another look at our offenders and asking God to give us eyes to see each other the way He sees us? When someone steals our seat, instead of reaching out to receive an offense, wound, or rejection can we reach out in love towards them?

 John 13:34-35AMP, “I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves].”

So if your sister takes your chair turn your other cheek and put them on another seat. Or something like that  ;)